Category: The Cleaning Log

You’re knackered. Properly done in. It’s nearly spring, your flat looks like a crime scene from a particularly lazy episode of Come Dine With Me, and you’ve somehow got exactly 48 hours to sort it before your mum visits, your landlord inspects, or you simply can’t bear living in your own filth anymore. The duvet’s calling, Netflix is waiting, but that sticky patch on the kitchen floor has developed sentience and you’re fairly certain something’s growing in the fridge that wasn’t there when you moved in.

Here’s the thing – I’ve been cleaning London flats professionally for over a decade, and I’ve taught hundreds of people at my academy in Forest Hill. I know exactly what you’re up against. You’re not looking for perfection. You’re looking for “noticeably better” with minimal energy expenditure. That’s not lazy – that’s smart. Let me show you how to transform your flat in one weekend without actually dying in the process.

The Brutal Honesty You Need Before You Start

Your Flat Won’t Look Like Those Bloody Pinterest Boards

Right, let’s get this out of the way immediately – those Instagram cleaning accounts with their perfect homes and their colour-coordinated bottles? They’re either professional organisers with eight hours a day, or they’re lying. Your London flat, cleaned over one weekend whilst running on fumes and questionable coffee, will not look like that. And that’s absolutely fine.

What you’re doing is spring cleaning, not a deep clean. There’s a difference. A proper deep clean of a two-bed flat takes a professional team about 6-8 hours. You’ve got one weekend and the energy reserves of a particularly exhausted sloth. We’re aiming for “significantly improved” and “won’t embarrass you in front of guests.” That’s a perfectly respectable goal.

The 80/20 Rule Will Save Your Sanity

This is possibly the most important thing I’ll tell you – 20% of your effort creates 80% of the visible impact. In cleaning terms, this means certain areas of your flat contribute massively to the overall impression of cleanliness, whilst others barely register.

In a London flat, your high-impact zones are: kitchen surfaces, the bathroom sink and loo, your living room coffee table, and anywhere guests can see from the doorway. Get these sorted and your flat will feel transformed, even if the inside of your wardrobe still looks like a Primark exploded. This isn’t about being thorough – it’s about being strategic when you’re running on empty.

Friday Evening: Don’t Skip the Boring Bit

Your 30-Minute Strategy Session

I know you want to dive straight in with the Marigolds and the Zoflora, but trust me – half an hour of planning will save you three hours of aimless faff. Pour yourself something nice (I won’t judge if it’s wine at 6pm on a Friday), grab a notepad, and walk through your flat like you’re a moderately judgemental estate agent.

Note down the absolute horror shows – the bathroom grouting that’s gone from white to “dystopian grey,” the cooker that’s seen better decades, the mysterious stains. Then, and this is crucial, be realistic about what you can actually achieve. You’re creating a battle plan, not a fantasy novel. Two full days sounds like loads of time until you remember you’re essentially operating on spite and caffeine.

Break it into chunks: Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon, Sunday morning, Sunday afternoon. Each chunk gets specific rooms or tasks. Write it down. Stick it on the fridge. This is your map through the wilderness of your own neglect.

Gather Your Weapons (And Maybe Some Wine)

You don’t need seventeen specialist products. You need five things that actually work: a good multi-surface cleaner, bathroom cleaner, something for limescale (crucial in London), microfibre cloths, and bin bags. Lots of bin bags.

If you’re shopping at your local Sainsbury’s Local at 7pm on Friday because you’ve left it to the last minute (no judgement – we’ve all been there), get the own-brand stuff. It works. The fancy bottles with the aesthetic labels and the price tag of a small car are lovely, but you’re not filming content here, you’re trying to make your flat habitable. Save the money for the takeaway you’ll inevitably order on Saturday night when you can’t face cooking.

Saturday: Kitchen and Bathroom Blitz

Why These Two Rooms Are Your Only Priority Today

Listen, I’m about to save you hours of wasted effort. Today – all of Saturday – is exclusively for your kitchen and bathroom. Not the bedroom. Not the living room. Just these two spaces.

Why? Because cleanliness is as much psychological as practical. A sparkling kitchen and bathroom make your entire flat feel cleaner, even if your bedroom still looks like you’re cosplaying as a teenager. These are also the rooms where hygiene actually matters – you’re preparing food and washing yourself here, so they need proper attention.

Plus, they’re the hardest rooms to clean, so getting them done first means Sunday feels like a victory lap rather than a death march.

The Kitchen: A Crime Scene Investigation

Start with the fridge. Yes, really. Empty it completely, chuck anything that’s achieved sentience or expired during the last government, and wipe down every shelf with warm soapy water. It’ll take 20 minutes and you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished something major, which gives you momentum.

Next up: the cooker. This is where you’ll earn your stripes. If you’ve got a gas hob, remove the grates and soak them in hot water with washing up liquid whilst you tackle the actual cooker top. Use a degreaser – our London air is filthy and it combines with cooking grease to create something that could probably survive a nuclear winter. Work systematically from the back to the front, and don’t forget the knobs (everyone forgets the knobs).

For surfaces, work top to bottom and left to right. This prevents you from re-cleaning areas you’ve already done, which is incredibly demoralising when you’re running on fumes. Clear everything off your counters – yes, everything – clean the surfaces properly, then only put back what you actually use. That spiralizer you bought in 2019 and used once can go in a cupboard.

The sink deserves special attention because it’s what people notice. A shiny sink makes the whole kitchen look better. Use your bathroom cleaner here if you need to – it’s brilliant for stainless steel.

The Bathroom: Your Afternoon Project

The secret to bathroom cleaning when you’re exhausted is the “spray and walk away” method. Start by spraying literally everything – toilet, sink, bath, tiles – with appropriate cleaners. Then leave for 15 minutes whilst you have a cup of tea and question your life choices. The products do the work whilst you rest. Genius.

When you return, start with the toilet because once that’s done, everything else feels easier. Scrub, flush, wipe down the seat and outside. Make it sparkle. You’re going to feel disproportionately proud of this achievement.

The sink and taps are next. London water is basically liquid chalk, so you’re battling limescale as well as general grime. A limescale remover is non-negotiable here – don’t try to be a hero and scrub it off manually, you’ll be there until Tuesday. Spray, wait, wipe, admire.

The shower or bath is your final boss battle. If you’ve got serious limescale or soap scum, you might need to spray, walk away for 30 minutes, then scrub. Use an old toothbrush for the grout and the corners where gunk accumulates. It’s tedious, but the transformation is worth it.

Sunday: Making the Rest Look Respectable

Bedroom and Living Room: The Visible Victories

Sunday is when you start to feel human again, mainly because the hard work is done. Your bedroom doesn’t need a deep clean – it needs fresh bedding and a proper tidy. Strip the bed, wash everything, and whilst it’s in the machine, tackle the floor-drobe.

Seriously, just pick up all the clothes. Every single item. Sort them: clean things get folded or hung, dirty things go in the wash. This alone will transform your bedroom from “depression nest” to “functioning adult space.” Wipe down surfaces, open the windows for 20 minutes even though it’s freezing, and make the bed properly with those fresh sheets. Instant serotonin boost.

The living room is all about surfaces and soft furnishings. Clear the coffee table, wipe it down, plump the cushions, fold the throw that’s been living on the floor for three weeks. If you’ve got a sofa that’s looking tired, give it a quick hoover with the upholstery attachment – you’ll be horrified by what comes up, but it makes a massive difference.

Floors, Windows, and the Finishing Touches

Floors get dirty in London at a rate that defies physics – it’s the pollution, the constant building works, and the general grime of city living. You don’t need to hand-wash them on your knees like a Victorian servant. A decent hoover or sweep followed by a quick mop of hard floors is sufficient.

Focus on the edges and corners where dust accumulates and is actually visible. The middle of the room can be slightly less pristine – no one’s going to notice. This is about impact, remember?

Windows in London are a losing battle, but you can improve them. A spray bottle with water and a tiny bit of washing up liquid, plus a microfibre cloth, works wonders. Do the insides only – you’re not climbing out onto a ledge – and focus on removing the worst of the grime. Streak-free perfection is for people who aren’t exhausted.

Final touches: empty all the bins, light a nice candle or use some air freshener, and do a final walkthrough removing any random clutter you’ve missed. Stand in your doorway and look at what you’ve achieved. It’s not perfect, but it’s noticeably, significantly better.

Survival Tactics From the Trenches

The Psychological Game

Cleaning when you’re exhausted is 80% mental warfare. You need good audio content – either a podcast that makes you laugh, an audiobook you’re invested in, or a playlist of absolute bangers that make you move faster. I’m talking your guilty pleasures, the songs you belt out in the car when no one’s listening.

Use the Pomodoro Technique: 25 minutes of work, 5 minutes of rest. Set a timer. When it goes off, stop and have a proper break. Sit down. Drink something. Check your phone. This prevents burnout and makes the whole thing feel manageable rather than like a forced march.

Treat yourself strategically. Finished the kitchen? Have some chocolate. Bathroom done? Order that takeaway. Your brain needs rewards to keep going when your body is staging a mutiny.

When to Admit Defeat (And Why That’s Fine)

Sometimes, you need to call in professionals. If you’re staring at your flat on Friday evening and feeling actual despair rather than just mild dread, it might be worth getting help. A professional cleaner can do in three hours what’ll take you all weekend, and sometimes your energy is better spent working to earn money for a cleaner than destroying yourself trying to scrub grouting.

I run a cleaning academy, I’ve trained hundreds of professional cleaners, and you want to know a secret? Even we hire other cleaners sometimes. When I moved house last year, I absolutely paid someone else to clean my old flat. No shame whatsoever. Knowing when to outsource isn’t failure – it’s resource management.

You’ve Got This

Your flat won’t be perfect. It doesn’t need to be. What it will be is noticeably, significantly cleaner – clean enough that you can breathe easier, invite someone over without panic, or simply exist in your space without that low-level anxiety that comes from living in chaos.

Spring cleaning isn’t a one-time nuclear option – it’s about getting things to a manageable baseline that you can then maintain with much less effort. Twenty minutes a day keeps the disaster at bay far better than one exhausted weekend every six months.

Now go put the kettle on. You’ve earned it.

It started with a bucket of mop water and an exploding Hoover.

I was sixteen, working my first summer job cleaning the halls of a dodgy block of flats in East London. Day one, I knocked over a bucket of water, tripped over the cord, and sent the vacuum flying down the stairs. It landed with a thud so loud, a neighbour called the council. I still remember the smell—burnt plastic and embarrassment.

I thought I was finished then and there. But the old guy I worked with—Malik, sixty-three, sharp as vinegar—just laughed. He told me, “You’re not a cleaner ‘til you’ve destroyed a vacuum.”

Twenty-odd years on, I’ve scrubbed Mayfair penthouses and mopped up after mud-soaked Glastonbury tents. I’ve cleaned dressing rooms for pop stars, polished studio floors for fashion shoots, and spent days restoring disaster sites to spotless beauty. Still, people ask, “When do you know you’re a real pro?” My answer? Somewhere between your first broken Hoover and your hundredth saved carpet.

Calling yourself a veteran isn’t about the uniform or years on the clock. It’s about the lessons that only come when you’re wrist-deep in bleach and battling stubborn limescale at 1am. It’s about experience, humility, and the urge to pass it all on. So here’s my take, straight from London’s grubbiest corners to your screen.

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It’s Easy to Learn, But Only Experience Teaches You the Real Magic

Everyone Knows How to Spray and Wipe – Or Do They?

The basics? Dead simple. Spray, scrub, rinse, repeat. Anyone can do it. And many do—badly. It’s the same with anything: holding a paintbrush doesn’t make you an artist. You need to know what you’re doing. And that knowledge comes from years of fiddling, failing, and figuring it out as you go.

Like how to lift chewing gum off carpet without ripping the fibres. Or the right time of day to clean windows so the sun doesn’t leave streaks. Or that one brand of toilet cleaner that’ll eat through limescale like a lion through steak. These aren’t things you find on the back of a bottle. You find them after hours of real graft, or from someone generous enough to show you.

Experience teaches you to see the stuff others miss. It’s why real pros spot cobwebs behind light fixtures and fingerprints on the underside of door handles. You don’t learn that on day one. But once you’ve done a hundred walkthroughs with fussy clients, you start seeing the world in smudges.

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Keep Learning – You’ll Never Know It All

There’s Always a New Trick Waiting

Cleaning is old, but it’s not stuck in the past. Every year, there’s a new tool, new chemical, or clever hack doing the rounds. You’d be daft to think you’ve got nothing left to learn. I still pick up tips from twenty-year-olds on TikTok—seriously. Some of them have never done a full day’s clean in their life, but they’ve found ways to descale a kettle using two teabags and a prayer. And sometimes it works.

Being open to learn isn’t a weakness. It’s what keeps you sharp. I’ve worked alongside ex-hotel cleaners who taught me speed. I’ve worked with old-school East End caretakers who made a mop dance like it was alive. I’ve done training on eco-cleaning, chemical safety, and even how to talk to clients without sounding like you’re selling something dodgy.

The moment you think you know it all, that’s when you’ll start slipping. Probably on a wet floor you forgot to signpost.

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Forget the Years – It’s the Jobs That Count

One Big Clean Beats a Month of Light Dusting

You can clean for ten years and still be clueless if all you’ve done is a few office bins and a quick spray-round. On the flip side, I’ve met cleaners two years in who’ve already tackled hoarder homes, blocked drains, and post-festival tents—and it shows.

It’s not about time. It’s about volume. Variety. Chaos. Cleaning high, low, fast, slow. Places with deadlines and zero tolerance for mess. I learned more in three days scrubbing a grime-coated music venue after an all-nighter than I did in a year of wiping down spotless law offices.

Every job adds something to your toolbox. The more jobs you take, the more disasters you face, the sharper your instincts get. Like knowing when a carpet stain is wine, blood, or ketchup—without sniffing it (although we all have, let’s be honest).

So don’t wait for a badge or a plaque. Stack your jobs, build your instincts, and one day, you’ll clean a mansion in two hours and still have time for a sandwich.

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Pride Comes Before the Streak

There’s Always a Job That’ll Humble You

Just when you think you’re the king of clean, along comes a job that slaps the ego right out of you.

Mine came last year. I was feeling pretty smug. I’d just finished a spotless post-renovation deep clean in Kensington. Not a speck in sight. The client walked in, nodded, then pointed to a mark on a high window. “That’s still there,” she said. I climbed up—it was inside two panes of double glazing. Couldn’t be touched. Still, she wasn’t impressed. I’d cleaned the world, but missed the one smudge she could see.

There’s always something. A streak you missed. A carpet that won’t come clean. A toilet that makes you question your life choices. Being good doesn’t mean being perfect—it means being honest when you’re not.

A real pro doesn’t throw a tantrum when a job goes sideways. You take a breath, own it, and fix what you can. Or, if you’re smart, you learn from it and get better for the next one.

Humility’s part of the job. The mop teaches you more than the mirror ever will.

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Don’t Keep the Tricks to Yourself

If You’ve Got the Goods, Share Them

I’ve never understood cleaners who keep their tips secret, like they’re guarding the crown jewels. We’re not magicians. We’re workers. If you’ve found a way to clean oven glass in ten minutes flat, why not tell someone?

I’ve shown rookies how to clean a microwave with lemon and steam, how to dry a bathroom floor with a squeegee, how to polish metal taps with toothpaste. It’s not rocket science. But to someone starting out, it might as well be.

Teaching someone else makes you better too. You spot your own bad habits, remember the basics, and maybe pick up a fresh view in return. And let’s be honest—it feels good. Watching someone nail a tricky job using your tip? That’s proper pride.

If you really want to be a cleaning veteran, be the person others turn to for help. Not the one clinging to secrets like a cleaner dragon hoarding toilet rolls.

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So… When Can You Call Yourself a Cleaning Veteran?

The truth? You don’t wake up one day and decide you’re a veteran. It creeps up on you.

It’s in the way your hands move without thinking. In how you pack your caddy just right. In the confidence that tells you, “I’ve seen worse—and I handled it.”

You’re a veteran when you stop chasing perfection and start chasing consistency. When you clean not just with your arms, but with your eyes and brain too. When others ask you how to do it, and you have the answers.

You don’t need a title. You just need the trust of those who’ve seen you work.

Me? I still trip over mop buckets now and then. But I haven’t broken a Hoover in a while. And I still carry Malik’s words in my head. “You’re not a cleaner ‘til you’ve destroyed a vacuum.” He was right, in his own way. But more than that—you’re not a veteran until you’ve cleaned enough to know you’re still learning.

And maybe that’s what makes this job special. There’s always another smudge to chase. Always another trick to learn. And always someone out there waiting for you to show them how it’s really done.

Fancy that.

If you’re searching for a house cleaner who can deliver top-notch service, look for these five signs of experience. From their attention to detail and efficiency to using professional products and techniques, you should look for these qualities.

Find out how to spot an experienced house cleaner and the perks of hiring one. Experience matters when keeping your home clean and tidy, so choose wisely.

What Makes a House Cleaner Experienced?

If you’re looking for an experienced house cleaner, you want someone who knows the ins and outs of cleaning and has years of hands-on experience.

They have all the cleaning techniques and solutions in the bag to tackle any surface or material with precision.

After years on the job, they’ve developed a knack for spotting exactly what needs to be cleaned in different settings, resulting in a customised and effective clean.

Their keen eye for detail means they catch even the slightest imperfections and take care of them immediately.

All that industry knowledge and practical know-how makes them top-notch at delivering high-quality cleaning services.

Signs of an Experienced House Cleaner

If you’re in the market for a house cleaner, look for these five signs that’ll clue you in on an experienced, trustworthy, and reliable professional who can make your place sparkle with thorough and efficient cleaning services.

Attention to Detail

When hiring a house cleaner, you can tell they’re experienced by how they pay attention to every little detail, making sure no spot goes untouched. Their dedication to thoroughness shines through in tasks like carefully cleaning skirting boards, dusting those tricky corners, and meticulously shining fittings until they sparkle. With their keen eye, they can easily spot areas that need extra love, whether tackling tough stains on carpets or scrubbing away grime in hidden spots. Their proactive mindset means they’re always one step ahead, checking for mould in damp areas or ensuring dust doesn’t pile up on often forgotten spots like ceiling fan blades.

Efficiency and Time Management

A skilled house cleaner is like a productivity ninja, always on top of their game, getting things done efficiently and to a tee. You’re an expert at juggling tasks, knowing which ones to tackle first based on their urgency or difficulty.

By planning your workflow smartly, you can smoothly transition from one job to the next, getting the most out of your time. Your time management skills aren’t just about sticking to a schedule; they’re about being ready for any curveballs that might come your way and adapting on the fly without sacrificing quality.

You get that time is precious, and you’re all about making every minute count when you’re elbow-deep in a cleaning project.

Use of Professional Cleaning Products and Techniques

When you hire experienced house cleaners, they use professional-grade cleaning products and top-notch techniques to get the job done right.

These pros know their stuff, picking the perfect tools and methods for each cleaning task to ensure they work effectively and efficiently. Professional cleaning products make things spotless and kick germs and bacteria to the curb, keeping your environment healthy. These products are like superheroes against tough stains and grime, all without harming your surfaces and extending the life of your stuff. Relying on cleaners who know their way around professional products and techniques can save you time and hassle while giving you top-notch results.

Flexibility and Adaptability

One key trait of a skilled house cleaner is their flexibility and adaptability, making it easier to tackle any sudden obstacles they may encounter.

Picture this: you come across a stubborn carpet stain that won’t disappear. A pro cleaner would try different cleaning solutions until they discover the one that can tackle the stain effectively without harming the carpet fibres.

Now, you suddenly need a deep cleaning before an event. A flexible cleaner would quickly adjust their schedule to fit that last-minute request, ensuring you’re happy with the outcome and keeping their reputation shining bright.

Excellent Communication Skills

As an experienced house cleaner, you need to have top-notch communication skills to ensure that you and your clients are on the same page.

Clear and professional communication is critical in the world of house cleaning. You must be able to chat with clients about their cleaning preferences and any specific requests they have. This way, you can be sure you’re hitting the nail on the head and meeting their needs.

It’s essential to ask for and appreciate client feedback to keep your standards high and improve your service. Feedback gives you valuable insights into what areas might need extra attention or tweaking, allowing you to refine your approach and ensure your clients are satisfied.

How to Find an Experienced House Cleaner

You need to do your homework when looking for an experienced house cleaner. Research and interview potential candidates to ensure they meet your standards and expectations. Also, remember to run background checks and check references to be extra sure.

Researching and Interviewing Candidates

When hunting for a house cleaning candidate, remember to dot your i’s and cross your t’s. Conduct a thorough background check and contact multiple references to ensure you’re getting someone reliable and trustworthy.

Start by scouting for candidates with solid experience in the house cleaning world and a track record of delivering top-notch service. Once you’ve got a list of potentials, it’s time to set up those interviews. This is your chance to see how they carry themselves, how they communicate, and if they’re all about paying attention to the nitty-gritty details.

Don’t skimp on the details in terms of background checks. Verify their work history, check for any skeletons in the cupboard, and make sure they have the certifications that meet your standards. And don’t forget to ask for references from past employers or clients. Hearing about their work ethic and reliability straight from the source can help you pick the best match for your home sweet home.

Benefits of Hiring an Experienced House Cleaner

When you hire an experienced house cleaner, you get more than a tidy home. You’ll save yourself a ton of time and stress, plus you can count on top-notch quality, consistency, and reliability.

Time and Stress Savings

When you hire an experienced house cleaner, you can save significant time and stress because they’re efficient and super conscious of time. Their knack for handling cleaning tasks swiftly lets you concentrate on other important things in your life, like hanging out with your family or diving into your hobbies.

For example, by skillfully managing cleaning schedules and tasks, your house cleaner ensures your home stays tidy and organised all the time, creating a peaceful atmosphere that helps you unwind. This proactive attitude not only saves you time but also eases the mental load, bringing a sense of peace and well-being to your home.

Quality and Consistency of Cleaning

When you hire experienced house cleaners, you can expect top-notch quality and consistency in their cleaning services, keeping your home neat all the time. With their wealth of experience, they know how to work cleverly and get the job done correctly, ensuring every nook and cranny in your home receives the attention it deserves. Their sharp eye for detail means they notice things others might overlook, providing your home with a comprehensive cleaning. Being proactive, they address any issues before they escalate, so you can rest assured knowing your home will always be in excellent condition.

The Forest Hill Cleaning Academy offers two main types of courses – for beginners and for advanced cleaners wanting to take the next step in their professional careers. The gap between them is so substantial that you cannot sign up for the wrong course by mistake. Or at least I thought so until a few weeks ago.

Our team has split the beginners’ courses into three main sections – carpet, window, and home cleaning. We usually have groups of about 6-7 novices who sign up and probably 3-4 who finish the four-week course and get their certificates. Since we cooperate with the leading training institutions in the UK in the cleaning industry, like NCCA (The National Carpet Cleaners Association) and the BWCA (British Window Cleaning Academy), most cleaning contractors recognise the value of our “diplomas”.

A few weeks ago, we started a new novice-level course in carpet cleaning. I had just finished a challenging top-level course in cleaning management and business planning and thought the change of pace would be good. Besides, the novice courses are the bread and butter of the Academy, so I never allow myself to believe they are beneath my expertise.

Fortunately, I had stumbled upon a really nice bunch of motivated and positive-minded people who genuinely wanted to learn (trust me, that is now always the case!). The course lasts four weeks, and each week is dedicated to one of the following topics – basic carpet cleaning (methods and equipment); case studies – persistent stains, heavily smothered carpets, etc.; off-site practice with carpet-washing equipment; on-site carpet cleaning practice in real conditions. The final exam consists of a theoretical test and a random cleaning exercise.

During the first two weeks, which are more theory-oriented, I got to know my students better. As in any other group in any walk of life, you can quickly recognise the archetypes – the jokers, the introverts, the serious people who are all about the task at hand. Even with that in mind, one of the guys in my class, Paul, stood out. It’s not that he was arrogant, cocky, or obstructing, on the contrary. He was silent and polite, taking detailed notes of everything I said but never asking questions. I’ve met such people before – they are usually too shy to ask, even when necessary. So, at the end of the second week, I took him aside.

“Paul, I noticed you always pay attention in class but never ask questions like the other students. I just want to make sure you take full advantage of the course. Don’t be shy or concerned that a question might be too stupid – there is no such thing.”

He looked genuinely surprised but quickly regained his composure. “I do appreciate that, Peter. But you explain everything in such detail that I haven’t found the need to ask an extra question. I am not reticent on purpose.”

I wasn’t particularly convinced by his answer but decided to drop the issue. Besides, the forthcoming practices would certainly cause him to have questions. Boy, was I ever so wrong! I had completely misjudged the case!

It doesn’t take too long for a professional cleaner to recognise a colleague in action – “game recognises game”, as they say in the gangster movies. The moment I put a hot water extraction machine in Paul’s hands, I knew he had done it before. There was no way he knew how to operate it and switch the power levels intuitively. The way he moved and handled the machine and the ease with which he was covering all tasks immediately singled him out.

I must confess I was confused. Why would a professional carpet cleaner sign up for a novice course? By this time, I had no doubt Paul had at least a few years of experience in the industry. We were not a cleaning company but a training institution – it made no sense for a service contractor to send one of their technicians to spy on us. Was somebody planning to open a competing cleaning academy? But why the undercover nonsense – we had all the course information published online. Besides, Paul was not trying to cover his skill at all – if his goal was to play double agent, he was failing miserably.

Midway through the second week, I decided to grab the bull by the horns. After one of our practice sessions, I asked Paul to stay behind and wished the rest of my students a nice day.

“Look, I don’t know what your shtick is, but I don’t like to be made fool of. I bet all my money in my pocket against all the money in your pocket that you are a professional cleaner. So why don’t you tell me what the heck is going on?”

“I guess I should have come clean from the very start, but to be accurate, I never claimed that I am not a professional carpet cleaner.”

I look at him, stunned at his audacity. But Paul did not look arrogant or trying to be funny. “The thing is, I have helped with my father’s carpet-washing business ever since I was thirteen. So you could say I have almost fifteen years of experience in the field, though I can hardly put it in my CV. My dad retired a few years ago, but I never had any desire to deal with the business aspect of things. Instead, I started working for one of London’s leading carpet cleaning contractors.

I figured that with my skills and knowledge, I could quickly move up the ladder. My supervisor thought otherwise. He is the kind of guy who believes a piece of paper is more important than five years of experience. So here I am, trying to get your certificate to get me the promotion I deserve.”

It all made sense now. The competition going undercover – I guess I had watched too many Bond movies. “Who is your Dad?” I asked Paul.

“Roy Jones.”

“Dirty-carpet Roy is your Dad?! Are you kidding me? He is a cleaning legend among the old-timers. You should have started with that! Sorry to give you grief, brother.”

Paul and I ended up having a few beers at The Chandos. Needless to say, he took his certificate with a straight A and is now a senior carpet-cleaning supervisor. Whenever we meet, he teases me about our spy-thriller encounter. Lesson learned.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a glass of ale at the Signal Pub with my guy N. I will not share his full name because some people may consider it a conflict of interest. N. runs one of the big London cleaning companies and has over twenty years of experience in the industry.

“The cleaner turnover has become a real problem these days”, N. complained. “Maybe it was the pandemic, but people are decreasingly motivated to do the job for more than 2-3 years, strictly as a springboard to something better. I rarely find someone under thirty who will seriously consider cleaning a long-term career path.”

I knew what he was talking about. I’ve noticed it in my interaction with younger cleaners as well. It made me think of a conversation with my mentor in the cleaning business, Stewart, a few years ago. I had just started the Forest Hill Cleaning Academy and wanted to ask him for some advice. Stewart had been in the cleaning business his whole life – he had started at twelve as an apprentice in his father’s window cleaning business and then climbed the ranks as one of London’s most respected all-around cleaners. Now in his late sixties, he is still sought by cleaning executives for advice on how to run their businesses. He is also one of the most generous and kind-spirited humans I have ever met.

I found him in his garden, clipping at his favourite pink roses. “Peter, my boy!”, he exclaimed and pointed me to a garden chair. I explained my idea for a cleaning academy where young and aspiring cleaners would find all the necessary resources to advance in the industry. He never stopped clipping at the roses, but I knew he was listening attentively.

Finally, he put down the garden scissors and turned towards me. “I think it is a fantastic idea and a commendable one. The problem is you will have a hard time finding people who are really interested in cleaning.”

“Do you think so?” I did not try to hide the disappointment in my voice.

“I know so. But don’t get me wrong – you will have people interested in the service you provide. They will see it as a stepping stone to higher positions in their companies or higher rates they can charge. But that doesn’t mean they love or understand the business.”

“You see, a lot of people have grave misconceptions about cleaning. They think cleaning is hard or unpleasant. Oh, really? My uncle worked for a maintenance crew on an oil rig in the North Sea. That was tough. I watch these Discovery shows about Alaska fishermen – that’s a tough job. My mom worked 28 years as a nurse, giving 12-hour shifts – that’s a tough job. And you want to compare it to cleaning?!”

“Think about it. Unless you are a window cleaner, most of the time, you work indoors. You don’t have to worry about weather conditions or anything remotely life-threatening. And what’s the worst thing you can do? Mess up the wrong detergent? Skip a stain on the floor?”

“Cleaning is easy. What is even better – it is easy to learn the basics and attain a relatively high level of proficiency. You cannot become a good neurosurgeon or chemical engineer in six months. Give me half a year, and I will turn the most hopeless rookie into a perfectly adept cleaning professional.”

Stewart took a sip from his glass of homemade lemonade and smiled. “But you are not here to listen to an old man’s rant. Let’s get serious. I cannot tell you anything technique or standard-related that you don’t already know. You’ve done your homework, I am sure of that. But here is something you should teach every person who claims to be interested in professional cleaning.”

He made a dramatic pause and then nailed me with a question: “What is the most important factor in professional cleaning?” Stewart loved these kind of questions. Their answers were so obvious that you wanted to punch yourself if you gave the wrong one. But I decided to try the most apparent option. “Time.”

He looked at me, surprised. “Have you hit your head on something? You never used to give me the correct answers so fast!” With that, he burst out laughing. “No, I am just teasing you. But you are correct, of course. It is time. Think about it. Let’s say you need to clean a bedroom. Even the most clueless person can do it. The question is – how fast? They might need three or four hours to finish even the most basic chores, while a professional cleaner will need thirty minutes. Let’s assume the end result is similar, with slight deviations. Therefore the critical differentiating factor is time.”

“It is a concept even experienced cleaners find hard to accept. They obsess over quality, trying to convince themselves that superior performance will get them more customers. They are wrong for two reasons. The first is about perception. Let’s say you have two competing carpet cleaners working on equally dirty carpets. The first one needs three hours to clean it 10% better. The second – two hours, at 10% worse. You have been in the business long enough. Do you really think that a regular customer, the average Joe or Jane, can tell the 10% difference? No, they can’t. In their mind, the two cleaners have done a similar job, but the second was faster, so he must be better.”

The second reason is simple Math. If you can do a job for three hours, and I can do the same thing for two, I will have 50% more customers in the long run. So teaching your cleaners to be time-efficient is much more important than anything else. Not at the expense of quality, of course, but you get my point.”

I must have stared at Stewart with my mouth agape because he asked me if I was OK. “I’ve never thought about these things from that particular perspective. I confess I have committed the sin of quality obsession. But you are correct, absolutely correct – as usual. Stew, you must come and give a lecture or two at the Academy. You will kill it!”

“No, my boy, I don’t have the patience for such things any more. But you go ahead and incorporate it into your program. I believe it will help a lot of people!”

And I did. Some people have tried to argue against it, some have laughed at the notion, but most come back after a year or two and admit they have incorporated it into their business strategy.